Saturday, 30 May 2009

Untitled Poem 30/5

To take the un-mechanic heat
Of bright blue days streaked
With the vernacular of a slut
Or the beginning of hunger
In a big faceless gut,

Is to slump home un-smiling,
A definite discipline while
The carbon monoxide of a teenager
Is the most tempting substance
To harden the average ranger,

And such tempting tasks
Asks my structure to bone
I moan and groan,
I still don’t know –
I still don’t know if I want to know.

**Wrote this in about 15 minutes from top of my head and haven't edited it or anything. It's how it looks on the page were I wrote it. I don't know if I want to change it.. don't know if I like it.
Ideas came from heat outside, then the miserble time coming home from work, and the last stanza is just words thrown together. "Tempting tasks" is probably what is about. Might make that the title.


Kevin Atteridg said...

I like the last line the best. Very nice.

Gerry Boyd said...

Well, I would definitely keep the first 4 lines. They are stunning, dense, with a musical meter.