Thursday 20 May 2010

What I Remember of Sunday 16th May 2010 (2 Days Ago)

It began with like a square of light at Waterloo Station at around 3:04 pm
And I had to wait half an hour for the train,
I had to sit down because my leg was aching at the hip
And someone had dropped an ice cream on the ground near my foot,

I felt warm in my hoody with the heat waving down, magnified thru the perspex
And kind of stupid because I'd had a haircut, but no one in the station saw me
With my long-ish hair anyway, so to them I looked normal,
So I calmed down, and looked at the clock, it was 3:10pm
When Sara texted me she'd meet me at the Contemporary Urban Centre
And not at Dean Walters Building on Upper Duke Street like I wanted,
And I was running late, and I wouldn't get there until quarter to
And James was going to read out a chapter of his novel
And I didn't want to be late, and I didn't know what room it was in,

The train was packed full like hot vegetables in a pan
And I kept looking at my reflection when we went thru a tunnel
To check my shorter-than-usual hair,

I'd heard there was a delay on the Ormskirk train,
This didn't affect me,
I got off and walked fast, forgetting to go the shop
To buy some chewing gum and water,
I'd not eaten a thing, except one finger of a Twix
An hour before,

It was about 3:42pm when I reached Chinatown,
Sara said:
“I was gonna go in
but will wait outside
if you like,”

And I said:
“Yeh wait
for me,”

The writing competition was at 4 o'clock,
The part between my foot an shin was aching
So badly is felt like they were burning,
But I kept walking, breathing heavily,
And I got to CUC and saw some graffitti artists
Spraying a wall, and I saw a dozen parked cars
In which I saw my reflection and my strange head,
And two or three people came out for a smoke and looked at me
As if they thought something of my haircut,
And then I saw James, who was late because of the Ormskirk train
And I asked him why he was late
And he said because of the Ormskirk Train and his dad drove him there
So he went in and I followed because Sara hadn't shown up yet,
James went to look for the others and find out where to go,
I saw Christof but he didn't say much to me,
Although all I said to him was:
“Hi, I didn't know you were coming to this,
I'm just going to get a coffee,”

I didn't know who was in the queue, so I just stood there,
Then I saw Sara come in and I waved to her,
She said she saw me come in with James,
I asked her if she wanted a coffee,
She said no,

Steve appeared behind me,
He said something about going to a different building
On a different street, thinking it was this one,
Then he went away, following James,
And I still hadn't been served, and I wanted some coffee
Because I hadn't eaten, and I needed at least something in my stomach
Not food,
Sara was talking, her chin resting on the counter since she's so small,
I said forget the coffee, we should go,
We'd be late, and there was a girl who'd been waiting for longer,
Who wasn't getting served,

We saw Steve in the lift as the doors closed,
We jumped in the next one,
The room was the same room I'd been in the day before
When I saw Richard Milward and Joe Dunthorne
Reading from their books, and I'd got Joe Dunthorne
To sign his book of poems for me, of which I'd already memorised
The poem Worship, I wanted to tell someone, but I forgot,

It was crowded, but I found two chairs to the left,
The others where to the right, I waved to Hazel and Sarah,
I saw James and Christof, I looked around for Robyn but couldn't
See her, but I knew she was working there,

Sara sat down and said something I can't remember,
I couldn't stop thinking about not having coffee,
Then the readings began, and Jim arrived, and the man read the names
And I couldn't count how many there would be
Before I could get out
Because I heard James's name and then Sarah's name and Hazel's name,

I saw Robyn standing at the back and waved to her,

When James read Aracnophobia he looked nervous and kept
Pushing his hair back with his hand, so he looked more cool
Than scared, the writing was good, a woman in front of me
Liked it, he answered the questions well, he was the favourite to win
Like a horse at the races,

I found the bar – which James and I couldn't find the day before –
If I wasn't going to drink coffee I was going to drink beer,
I sat with Sara, Steve, Sarah and Hazel,
Sara was talking to me about something,

I was drinking Hoegaarden,
I wasn't hungry, I was impressed with the bar,
I was impressed with James, I could smell beer and Sara's gin
And I kept looking behind me for Robyn and James,
I was fidgeting, not jittery, I wasn't listening to anyone
As they spoke to me, I couldn't hear myself,
Sara said something about a music pub quiz she went to
The question was songs with colours in,
I said: “Yellow Submarine,
that's all I got,”

I was glad when it was time to go because I felt like I was being stared at
And I walked with Sara to the lift, wondering where James and Robyn where,
As Robyn appeared behind me, and I said:
“Hi, Where'd
you go?”

I can't remember what she said,
She was wearing either her pink or brown coat,
She'd been for a smoke, about ten of us got in the lift,
Robyn was at the back, I stood by James who was drinking
Hot Chocolate, which Robyn found funny,
I still had my beer in my hand, I didn't know where Sara was,

We stood in the hallway outside the lift,
I stood with James, Steve and Jim,
I found Sara, she must have been behind me,
We knew James would win it,
Robyn called me from behind and – sitting down –
Introduced me to someone called Roy, I think,
I said: “Hi, Roy,”
Then heard her say the other's names,

Back inside, and James won first place,
We clapped really hard, Robyn screamed, James looked nervous
I hugged him, then we went to the bar,
Sara and I bought him drinks, I bought myself drinks,
I bought some more drinks, I got drunk, I saw Jim manically handle
His beer, James called him nuts, Hazel was talking about
Jackie Kay for some reason, and I described a book
She'd already read, Robyn came and sat on the arm on my chair,
I was looking at the stamps on her hand, then she was gone,
I saw her leave but no one else, it was James, Sara and Myself,
We took some food from a Christening party,
A man at the bar asked if I'd had Hoegaarden before, I said I had,
He said I'd be on the floor soon, I said I could handle it,
He said wait til I breathed in the fresh air,
The three of us went to The Pilgrim,
We sat in the outside bit, I was talking nonsense
About the Lord of the Rings and Doctor Who,
Jimi Hendrix and Slash, The Breakfast Club,
And James mentioned Buffalo 66,

James left and said me and Sara would stay,
He hugged us and went, we sat inside,
I can't remember what I was drinking, it might have been Cains Pilsner,
I remember feeling funny when I said the word “Pilsner,”
Because I never use the word “Pilsner,”
It's just another word for beer,

We sat at the end of the long table in the middle,
We sat opposite each other, I can't remember what she was saying,
I didn't say much, I think I just laughed with bleary eyes,
They called time and we had to leave, so we left,
I had to catch my train, I had work in the morning,
She was still talking when we walked down the road,
I would have said more, but I couldn't hear a word she was saying,
I couldn't hear anything, the whole world became a vaccuum,
I said goodbye with a hug at the station and had to wait 17 minutes
For the train, I got home,
I found my roast dinner in the oven,
I ate it in bed, it would give me indigestion in the morning,
I wanted to carry on drinking because my thoughts
Were coming back, I was beginning to hear them,
I texted my brother because Ronnie James Dio had died,
And I wanted to bother somebody,
I fell asleep at around 1am, but I should have texted the girls
To see if they were alright.

Monday 10 May 2010

In the Event of Kidnap

In the event of kidnap
The air solidifies and cracks
Gets boils on their backs
Stares at stars til they turn black
Revolves around moon, hits with a smack
Against its face –

In the event of theft
The diamond-hard head shines and breaks
Moves with clarity and knows what it takes
Lets eyes open til it wakes
And sees a hand move and breaks
Against its face –

In the event of freud
The paperwork done and posted
And the fear in which is hosted
For so much money to be boasted
And glasses lifted and toasted
Against its face –

In the event of murder
The drunken leans forward to smell
The evil rising and swell
And knowing he's going straight to hell
And the buried one is going as well
– It's written against his face.

Monday 3 May 2010

Free Hire in Reverse

This room when I touch it keeps its fire
As they speak from tongue-coloured mouths
And over my arms I hung her,
Bit down the way a dog chews a bone,
And moves smouldering hands up to smouldering face
Forces a sentence of laughter and spit –

Girl stands behind gleaming red throws
Arms against black woven sky
Armed with thick stolen lips
Drags upon ghost when I touch
Feels like a million people vanish
And forces thousands of heart attacks

Face of lead or the angry smile of the girl you love
A rat painted on the wall
Stands like devils on our backs
With that hot soap smell
The skin of my hand the colour
Of the skin on her belly

Feels miserable I imagine lying on the floor
And her eyes in her head still
On me like my own eyes on me
And between me and the window
Sits next to me, chin in hand
I cannot be here at this place need to leave

But refuses with perfected laughter
Higher up in my chair pushes people away
And the man speaks to the lady
And she replies with less anger
And when she looks at him
I see her eyes and nothing else

Lying down forever in the foetus-shapes
In front of her – regressed to lies and insults –
Looks at my hand arms reach out to her and
Nothing but air in fist-shaped room
And she talks to me all night
And then she talks to me all night.